I had an abortion at the age of 16. I was pressured to have that abortion by those close to me at the time. I didn't know anything about fetal development, nothing about how abortions were performed.

I did ask the family planning counselor about the possibility of emotional or physical risks and was told that women feel relieved after abortion and that it was much safer than childbirth. And that's all I was told, even though, at the time, I told the doctor I really wasn't sure I wanted the abortion.

I know now that if I had basic information about abortion, I probably would have resisted the pressure to abort and would have carried my baby to term. Then my baby would not have lost his or her life and I would have been spared this endless anguish.

-- Melissa

I had my abortion when I was 19 and my boyfriend was 22. I found out that I was pregnant on a Saturday afternoon and had the abortion the following Tuesday morning. Now who can make an important decision rationally like that in two days? The people at the clinic never encouraged me to tell my parents or a clergyman, even though they knew I wasn't married.

No one explained to me that I would undergo so many emotional, psychological, and mental after effects. By the way, I was chosen in a class of 30 students as "the most stable." Those people at the clinic, though, never told me about the beginning of life, of the fetus growing. They just told me about the "blob of tissue" to be vacuumed out.

They never told me about the depression, anger, anxiety, fears, and self-hatred that I would experience after the abortion. They didn't tell me I would lose sleep and my appetite for weeks or continue to be uneasy around babies, children, pregnant women and people in general because I thought I was such a terrible person. They never told me I'd hate myself, that I'd have suicidal thoughts.

-- Rachel

I was just sixteen when I got pregnant the summer before my junior year in high school. My boyfriend and I were very much in love. As much as I wanted that baby, he was convinced that it was not time for a child. With the help of his brother, after many hours of talking it over, we decided to terminate the pregnancy.

He took me to my appointment. I cried the entire time. Shortly after that we broke up. Things were just not the same for us. The guilt we both carried was way too much for us to bear. This is something that has haunted us both all of our lives. It will never go away; and I know because our baby should have been nineteen years old this month.

To this day I still have dreams of a faceless child and wake up in the middle of the night crying. I encourage anyone who is thinking about abortion to go talk to your parents, aunts, or uncles. Get support. Having a child to look at each day for the rest of your life will bring you so much more joy than the pain and guilt you will carry from aborting your baby. Life happens for a reason, and God never gives you anything you can't handle.

-- Christine

I had an abortion when I was 18. I was unmarried and very confused. My boyfriend wanted to abort the baby. Well, I had a rather strict Baptist upbringing. My dad had died two years earlier, and I was at odds with my mother. I just couldn't tell her. I was so ashamed. I felt trapped. I was too immature and naïve to know what to do. Abortion seemed the only way out, and I didn't know at the time that it was a real baby.

The counselor at the clinic didn't counsel me at all. The only thing she asked me was whether or not I was sure I wanted to do it. I told her I didn"t have any choice.

I had the abortion and I haven't been the same since. The guilt and agony of that nightmare goes on. There's not one day that goes by that something doesn't return to haunt me.

I finally got the courage to tell my mother a few months after the abortion. It was very difficult. I was afraid she'd say, "I told you so." She didn't though. She was very understanding.

I realize now the mistake I made.

-- Tanya

Terminating a pregnancy, I was told, is no more significant than removing a tiny blood clot in my uterus. Sounded harmless, I reasoned; so, exercising my right, I opted for abortion. At that time, no other options; such as adoption or single parenting, were explained to me.

Had I been counseled properly concerning the pain I would feel and the facts about the development of my unborn child, I doubt that I would have chosen abortion. I was not forewarned of the health risks or the deep psychological after-effects of abortion.

I was a bright college student and had a promising future ahead of me. But following my abortion I became deeply depressed and suicidal. I had never mourned the loss of my appendix, so why did I grieve over the passing of this "uterine blob"? The answer is, of course, that it wasn't a mere "blob of tissue." This was a living baby, and I realized this the moment I saw his dismembered body - but I realized it too late.

-- Brittany

One of the reasons that I feel so strongly about abortion is that I myself had an abortion. At the time it seemed like the only solution. The family planning clinic I went to for counseling never suggested another alternative. I was given absolutely no information about the development of the baby. In fact, I was told it was a "walnut-sized mass of tissue."

The decision to abort my baby is a decision I'll regret the rest of my life - it's irreversible. Later I learned about fetal development and slowly began to realize what I had done. I finally began to let myself grieve for the baby I had aborted.

First I had denied, then I was angry, then I grieved, and now I've largely resolved it. As part of my healing, I've had to accept my responsibility for the act, accept that I played a part in killing my own baby.

Yes, it still hurts; but I tell my story in the hope that the truth will shine through.

-- Jenna

I was 17 years old and very scared. My boyfriend and I skipped school and we drove to Chicago. When we got there the first thing they asked for was money. Then they asked for my name. I was taken into a large room with many other girls and given a gown. A woman stood in the front ant told us we would feel some discomfort but not much more than a female exam. We were then lined up in single file. I remember feeling like I was a cow being led to a slaughterhouse, but I quashed those feelings.

Then we were taken, one by one, into a small room where the abortion would take place. The abortionist was cold. Never said a word. Just put me in the position. The sound was horrible, as was the pain. After it was over I was taken back to the small cubicle where I had left my clothes. I was not told anything about the mental anguish and the physical pain I would feel.

Finally we drove home, and on the way I fell asleep. I guess maybe that was my way out. We arrived at my house. My boyfriend awakened me with sort of a slap. He said, "You're home." That's all he said. My seven-week-old baby was gone.

Mine has been pain and shame, and I stand here today and say, "Abortion is wrong!"

-- Kelly

June 22 will forever stay in my mind and in my heart. You see, that is the day I had my abortion. At the time it didn't seem like it would be such a big life-changing thing, but it was and it is.

I was 19 and had been living with my fiancé for almost a year. I had turned my back on my Christian beliefs, my family, and my friends all in the name of "love." His reaction to the possibility of my becoming pregnant was, "If that's how you plan to get me to marry you, then you're crazy!" Fortunately, I wasn't pregnant; but a month later, I was.

This time he spoke of his undying love for me and how he wanted us to have children but how unfair it would be to "all of us" at this point. "Don't you want our kids to have everything we can give them? All the things we never had? Lots of toys? A big house?" And then he mentioned an abortion. I was confused, afraid. I couldn't stand the idea of disappointing my parents. Moving in with him was one thing. A child born outside of marriage would be quite something else.

I wanted to keep everyone as happy as I possibly could. According to what I could find on the subject, it was really no big deal. No real medical risk just a routine outpatient operation. I'd be home by mid-afternoon. After all, it wasn't even a baby yet. I was never told anything about the risks, not about the pain, and certainly not about the development of the tiny human inside me.

The day came. The people were very matter-of-fact as they showed me the tube to be used in the suction procedure and "counseled" me. They drew blood, prepped me, and finally stood beside me as a strange, uncaring man took away my child. However, they weren't there a year later to take away the pain when I would hear a baby cry and yet there was no baby. Mine was gone.

Since then I have denied it, accepted it, and hated it. I have wanted to talk about it, yet refused to discuss it. I hated myself for what I did and hated the "Right to Life" people for making me aware of it. It is shattering to find out after having an abortion that the "blob of tissue" actually had fingers and toes. I went up and down trying to deal with what I had done. I couldn't tell anyone. Then I finally found the answer for me.

I took it all to Jesus and asked Him to forgive me and to heal me. He has brought me to this point and made me able to face it in hopes of helping someone who is where I once was.

-- Sherry

I was a senior in high school and had unprotected sex for the first time. I was always smart about it, and my boyfriend and I always used condoms and contraceptives to prevent pregnancy. I cheated on him and didn’t use protection. About a week later I began to feel really tired all the time, and after I missed my period I took a pregnancy test. I thought my heart would explode. Positive.

I was not scared. I was not afraid of what people would think of me. I had gotten myself into this mess, and I would get myself out. My family did not feel the same. They pressured me into an abortion, using my depression to not have a baby. At this very moment I would still be pregnant.

My advice to all the girls out there considering abortion: Do not do it. Every time I see a baby running around I think to myself that this could have been my baby. I always wonder what it would have looked like, if it would have had my personality. Babies are a gift from God and by far the best thing that could happen to anyone, no matter how stressed you feel.

-- Lisa

I had an abortion 23 years ago when I was 18. This was a decision that my mom and boyfriend forced upon me. They saw it as a solution to a problem, but in reality it created feelings that I can never rid myself of. I cannot talk about it without feeling like I am going to vomit.

I cried for the first five years afterwards each time one was mentioned. I married the guy, and marital problems have escalated. He continues to put his needs and wants first. My mom and I also have a very troubled relationship now.

Anyone considering an abortion should look at the LONG TERM effect. Would it trouble you throughout the years to come? This is a decision that YOU should make and forget those who are pressuring you, possibly for their own selfish reasons. This abortion brought me from a loving, gentle, trusting, and caring person to one who is bitter and resentful.

-- Cara

I am 17 years old. I got pregnant 4 months ago. When I first found out I was pregnant, I denied it. I denied it to myself and my boyfriend. I finally took a home pregnancy test, and it came out positive. I had to tell my mom, and she basically told me it was all my decision and she could not make it for me…although I wish she did. I went to the doctor. My boyfriend was happy and scared for me at the same time.

I got an abortion, and I was really scared. I was a little past 3 months. I hated myself so much. I hate it still. I cry every night. I see pregnant people all the time, and I believe that I am going to hell because of this. I hate myself so much. I wish I had this precious child growing in my stomach still. If I could go back to the day I had the abortion, I would take everything back. I would have my child.

-- Jenny

I am 14 years old. One month ago I had an abortion. I did not want to, but adults kept telling me it was for my own good. I was three months along, and I really wanted to keep him or her. The boy who got me pregnant does not have a clue about what happened to me or his child. After the abortion I got into a really deep depression and started to cut again.

-- Joy

I had an abortion three days ago. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I went in knowing I wanted to keep my baby, and I came out without him. I feel like my life has no purpose. I cannot breathe sometimes. I was pushed to do something that I did not want to do, and I will never forgive myself for being such a weak individual.

-- Tessa

I had a horrible pregnancy. The guy I had been with who had said he loved me had a new girlfriend. I had morning sickness every day and was constantly tired. After I missed my period for two weeks, that is when I knew. My dad threatened to disown me and tried. My mom cried with me telling me to do what was right. Later she also pressed me for an abortion. I was confused. I did not know who I could trust, who was right; so I did what my parents asked of me. I killed my baby.

The worst mistake of my life. I have always loved children, and to go to that sterile place just to come out barren…it feels awful. I cry every time I see someone close to where I would have been. It was my mistake, and I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. My baby, my angel I used to dream about…its gone now.

-- Ariel

It feels like it happened yesterday. I remember my boyfriend telling me that everything will be OK and that he was here for me. I walked into the room and waited for them to call me. I took some medicine so I would not feel as much pain. From there on things happened too fast. The medicine kicked in faster than expected, so they started their procedure. All I can remember is holding my boyfriend’s hand. I wish I could remember more. Now all I remember is that a month ago I killed my baby…and I am so sorry.

-- Lorelle

I was 17 and pregnant. I could not take care of a baby, and neither could my boyfriend. I was to go to college and have my whole life ahead of me. The last thing I needed was to let my whole family down by having a baby. When I went to have an abortion I passed out before anything happened because I was so scared! I still went through with the procedure, and it was very painful. After it was over I felt better, like I had nothing to worry about.

Then it hit me what I had done! I would cry and cry out of nowhere screaming sorry to my unborn baby whose life I took. It was not the baby’s fault I was being selfish! The only thing I want is for my baby and God to forgive me. Killing my baby was not the answer. I should have dealt with the situation a lot better, and now all I can do is cry when I see babies, thinking that could have been mine!

-- Ashley

I had an abortion last year, and I still think that I should have kept it. I was only 16, and my mom and dad said I was too young to have a baby. My boyfriend and I are still trying to get over it, BUT DEEP DOWN I WILL NEVER BE OVER IT. To all the girls my age or a little older, think about what you are about to do. Do not let anyone tell you that you are too young to have a baby. If you think that you can take care of it, KEEP IT, because I wish I had kept mine.

-- Nikki

When I was 16 I had an abortion. It has been only five months since then. I was messing around with someone much older than me, always thinking that it was not going to happen to me. However, it did; and it felt like a ton of bricks hitting you in the face. To look down at your pregnancy test saying positive, saying you have a baby on the way. I looked for the easy way…abortion. It was the only way to keep it from my parents and not let my friends know about it. So the guy and I went for the abortion. At first I was happy. I no longer had worries or responsibilities, but that changed.

Now I look around my school, and I see girls younger than me carrying a child. Why couldn’t I do it? Their life is no different than mine. I could have raised a child. To think that I could have been a mom…have a little girl in my arms…to know that I brought her into this world. But, no, I did the opposite…I took her out because I chose the easy way out. Think before you do it. It is a life full of regrets.

-- Brianne

I was 15 years old when I got pregnant. The boy that I was pregnant by said it was not his baby, but I know it was his baby because he was the only boy I slept with in five months. I was only two months pregnant, so I was sure it was his baby. My momma kind of started to notice my stomach was getting big and that I was throwing up a lot, and she then told me to get an abortion…no questions asked. It was like what I had to say did not matter because I had no say in the matter.

I really regret having an abortion because I wanted my baby. It would have been hard because I am so young, but I would do anything I could to take care of my baby. It hurts me that I killed my first child. I love kids and it will never happen again. I hate to see baby things and pregnant people because it brings back memories of April 14, 2007; and I will never forget it.

To my baby: I love you and I am very sorry you did not get to live your life because your momma did a terrible thing.

-- Marquisha

The day I found out was July 11. When the doctor came back and told me I was so in shock that I had no idea what to do. I was seeing a great guy at the time, and I called him and told him that we needed to talk. When I told him he was glad and thought we should keep the child. We had a feeling that it was going to be a boy, so we picked a name for him.

About a week later it hit us that we are just kids ourselves and we could not take care of a child. July 28 was the day that changed my world. After the abortion I felt so different inside, like kind of relieved. I broke up with the guy I was with because we could not look at each other the same way. It has been almost a year since the abortion, and it hits me every day. I regret it so much. Before you make a decision, think about whether it is worth the pain of only 9 month or the pain of a lifetime.

-- Barkha

I had my abortion when I was 16. Now I am 17. Did I want to abort my baby? No! I never wanted to, but I did. I thought it would make my life normal again, but it is not. At night I cry and cry. Sometimes I just want to take my life and put myself to rest.

I aborted my baby because my boyfriend too was scared. On the day of my abortion he called me and asked me if I wanted to do this, and I said I did. I LIED! Thinking back I regret everything. I could have taken my own life instead of the life of this innocent child. Now I live on with a burden.

-- Melissa

I was 20 years old and had just met this guy. We had sex, and then I found out I was pregnant. I did not want to tell my family because I already had a child at the age of 16, so my way of getting out of this was abortion.

I regret every minute of it. It was not worth it one bit. I raised my 5-year-old. I do not know why I didn’t think I could do it again. Now I have to deal with the guilt and depression because of a stupid mistake.

Now I am 21 and engaged to be married. We want to have a baby and have been trying for the past six months, but nothing has happened. Now I think that I lost my chance of ever getting pregnant again because of a decision that I made a year ago.

Look, it is not worth going through, believe me. If you get pregnant and you think no one will be there to help you through, think again. If no one is there, God will always be there with you to see you through anything!!!!

-- Tori

I was 15 when I found out I was pregnant. I was 19 weeks along, and I was so confused. I did not know what to do. My boyfriend at the time wanted me to keep it, but my mum did not. In the end I felt I could not let my mum down and ended up getting rid of my baby by having to give birth to it dead. I wasn’t treated nicely by the midwives because I was the youngest out of the four other girls. I felt as if they looked down their noses at me. I was told that I would not see the baby, that they would keep it discreet, but I saw it.

After the abortion I totally changed as a person. My hormones were all over the place. I cried all the time and had raging mood swings. My boyfriend didn’t help because when we would fight he would call me a murderer. I even thought about committing suicide. I used to think to myself that if I killed my baby then I should die.

It has been two years now and I still feel depressed and lonely, and guilt still drowns me. My boyfriend of four years split up with me and blames it on my moods. I can speak to my close friends about my abortion, but they do not know what to say or do, and I cannot bring myself to speak to a counselor.

-- Casey

I hate abortion and what it did to me. When I was 13 I found out I was pregnant. My mom convinced me to have an abortion. She said it was the best thing that I was too young. My boyfriend, age 14, saved money and paid for the abortion. It was the saddest, coldest day of my life.

My mother refused to let the abortion clinic give me birth control pills, so the following year I found myself in the same position, only worse. I did not know who the father of the baby was. I hated myself, wanted to die, and being with different guys helped fill a void that was bigger now that I had killed my first child.

I had a second abortion at 15 years old. I often wonder if life would have been different if I had kept my first child. Would I have made the same choices? The guilt drove m to do things I never thought I would do…drugs, being promiscuous, low self esteem. I wish I had known.

But thank God for forgiveness, grace, and mercy. My life is brand new. I am happily married and pregnant with my third child. GOD IS GOOD!!!!

-- Kim

I was 16 and pregnant. At first I was in denial about it. There was no way I could be pregnant. I am a good kid, get A’s in all my classes, getting married in June. But then when I came to the realization it woke me up. I had a choice to make…everyone hate me or everyone never finding out. So I decided abortion was the only way out. I discussed it with my boyfriend, and we decided together that it was the best decision. I made an appointment.

As I was waiting for my name to be called I was having second thoughts, but I thought nothing more of it. I went in and saw the baby on the monitor and watched as I killed my own baby. I know it is a harsh word, but that is what I did and didn’t even care. Now it is a year later and I still have flashbacks of what happened and also severe depression. I think if I had not killed my own flesh and blood I would have a one-year-old running around. I think of what I did that terrible day, and I wish that I had kept my little girl.

Don’t kill your child and think it is the easy way out. Trust me, it is not. Every day I still wish my little girl was here.

-- Carla

I am 19 years old right now. When I was 17, living at home and engaged to a guy I thought was perfect, I was thrown a big curve ball. I found out two weeks after being engaged that I was pregnant. My fiancé disappeared for two weeks after that, leaving me alone and depressed. I finally told my father; and after a long talk I made my decision with my dad by my side. I set up a date for an abortion two weeks later.

My fiancé showed up after the decision was made and begged me not to, but I was not ready and neither was he. I went to Planned Parenthood with him the following week for my procedure, and he came in the room with me for my ultrasound. He kindly asked the nurse if he could look; and all I saw was him drop all emotion from his face; and when the nurse left, he burst into tears. This was the hardest thing for me to ever go through.

I was 17 then. I would have a two-year-old now, but instead I have gone on with my life, and I have to live my life knowing that I could have been a mom. Abortion is a serious matter; and it seems like the easy way out at the time; but in all honesty, it does not just last five minutes, it lasts a lifetime of pain and wonder. If you think I have moved on, I still wake up every day thinking of my child. I even have a name picked out.

-- Britney

I am 17 years old. I got pregnant four months ago, and I had an abortion because my mom wanted me to. I always told her no, no, no; but she kept putting things in my mind like…your boyfriend is going to leave you, you can’t take care of your baby, etc. I thought I was going to lose my baby because of the stress I was in. I told my boyfriend about it. He did not agree with it, but he finally agreed with me and I had my abortion.

I regret it with all my heart. I feel like I killed my baby. All I could say after my abortion was I wanted to die. I kept holding my stomach asking God for forgiveness, and I kept screaming I’m sorry. But now it is too late to go back!

Now all I want to do is get pregnant again to heal the pain that I feel inside, the pain that does not go away. Also, now I don’t know if I could get pregnant again. All I do is ask God for a second chance. I promise I would do things right. When I see pregnant girls I start to cry. It is so hard to get over.

I wish I had someone to tell me it was going to be like this. It hurts especially when someone says that abortion is murder; but then, not knowing was my situation. For whoever is thinking about abortion, do not listen to anyone…just your own heart. I made the mistake of listening to my mom. Now I feel like I hate her.

-- Vivian

It has been a month today since I had my abortion. The father and I were together for about nine months, but I did not get pregnant until a fair while into the relationship when we were resolving a fight.

As a result of my abortion I have hit rock bottom pretty hard. I wanted to keep the baby, but he was not into the idea and was not the kind of guy that I could see supporting me or the baby in the future. I felt like I had no choice; but if the clock wound back, I know that I would do things very differently.

To those girls currently considering their options, remember: you ALWAYS have a choice. There are people there to support you whatever way you go. You just have to put yourself first and do what you think is right for you.

If I could go back, I probably would not have put myself in the situation where I could get pregnant; but I definitely would have kept the baby. The after shocks of abortion are not nice, and I am still struggling to cope with what I have done. I do not believe that I will ever forgive myself for my actions but wish all those girls like myself the best of luck in their personal endeavors.

-- Jess

I am 21 years old, and I have been living with my boyfriend for over a year. I got pregnant and decided to have an abortion on August 24. One day before the procedure I dreamed of a tiny baby dressed in a little white gown. I couldn't tell the sex of the baby, but I knew that it was my baby who had come to say goodbye to me. Nevertheless I still did it.

A few months after having the procedure done I was watching a program on abortion and the development of a fetus. I was shocked to find out that at six weeks there is already a heart beating. I started crying and wanted to die. The doctors and the nurses never told me anything about this tiny heart beating inside of me. On the screen they only showed me a round black ball in the middle of my uterus. I thought to myself "it's just blood."

Since then I've been grieving. There are days when all I want to do is cry, and there are days when I say to myself that maybe it was the right thing to do. Nevertheless, I feel like a criminal. I did not give a chance to my baby to live and experience any of the things from this earth. I picture that child crawling around in this imaginary crib giggling. I picture myself nursing and caring for my baby.

No one except my boyfriend knows about the abortion. However, I constantly blame him, myself, and society for what I did. I wish I could go back in time and change things, but I can't. I want my child to be alive. Every day I think about my baby; and the more I think about it, the more bitter and angry I get. I hate all kids. I see kids playing with friends or parents, and I just want to curse at them because I'm so mad at them for being happy.

No one understands my pain, my suffering. I feel like this is a burden that I'll carry for the rest of my life ALONE because my boyfriend doesn't like talking about it. No matter what, my baby will always be alive in my heart - forever.

-- Yvonne

I grew up in a close family where my parents raised me the best way they could and supported me in any decisions. Entering college I was the good girl who, in fact, had never been kissed. My second year in college I fell in love and began having sex.

One crazy night my boyfriend and I made the biggest mistake in not using protection. All it took was one night and I was pregnant. I was raised to believe abortions were the most inhuman thing to do. I never supported them - until the day I had to make a decision. Knowing my family would have supported me, I couldn't break their hearts.

I went to the cold and sad abortion clinic where I killed my 6-week-old baby. After it was over I didn't even cry. My boyfriend was overly emotional after it all, but it took me months to actually cry for the first time. We felt that our baby was a boy and named him Connor (most wanted) David (beloved). We wanted our baby to have a name that meant something. We desperately wanted our baby, even before I had the abortion. So many times I wanted to say, "Let's keep it," but I couldn't live with the shame of people on the street as a young pregnant teen and the sadness in my family's eyes.

My boyfriend and I plan to marry when we get out of college and plan to have a family as soon as we get married. We really want children. But we know that our family will never be complete. There is a child missing. I miss my baby so much that it hurts my insides.

-- Morgan

I was 14 when I got pregnant. I thought that I really wanted a baby with the boy I was "in love with." However, we broke up; and he said that he didn't want anything to do with me. Then I missed my period and didn't know what to do.

When I finally told my mother she threatened to put me out of the house. I didn't have anywhere to go, and I was scared to go to a shelter, so I had an abortion. It was the worse mistake I ever made. It was not worth all of the pain.

-- Ashlygh

I was 14 years old when I became pregnant. I didn't want a baby, but when I found out I was happy. My mom didn't feel that way though. She made me get an abortion.

My baby was 8 weeks. I was so depressed and regretful. A few months later I became pregnant on purpose to fill that empty space in my heart for my other baby.

I am now 4 months along, and I'm expecting a boy. I do not promote getting pregnant. You're always sick. Everything on your body hurts, and you're always tired. It's already expensive before the baby comes with all my doctor visits. The 18-year-old baby's father is no longer with me, so I have to raise the baby separately.

-- Kara

It was January of 2004 that I found out I was pregnant. I was 23 years old. I did two pregnancy tests myself, and I kept trying to think that one line was lighter than the other, so really I wasn't pregnant. I finally went to a clinic where they did a free pregnancy test, and sure enough she said, "Oh, yes, that's definitely positive." She asked me questions about my boyfriend and what he would say. Would he take care of it? Will we get married? etc. She gave me a book on pregnancy, prenatal pills, brochures, lists of doctors.

When I left, I noticed a dumpster right in front of my parked car. I ran to it; threw everything she just gave me away; and sat in my car and cried. I have never been so scared, confused, and angry in all my life.

My boyfriend was on vacation at the time, and he happened to call me while I was in my car sobbing. I tried to hide it, but I couldn't. He guessed right away why I was crying. He was comforting, told me to calm down, asked me how I knew, where I went, then told me to call him back later. My boyfriend already had a baby with his previous girlfriend. When he came back I had already set up an appointment for the abortion.

No one could do it soon enough. I had to wait two weeks before I had it done. Two weeks of morning sickness, tiredness, no appetite, mood swings, large breasts. I couldn't believe I was going through with it. Only two people knew - my best friend and my boyfriend. He said we couldn't have it because we were both not financially stable and he already had a child. My best friend said I wasn't ready, I have a future ahead of me, my parents would be upset.

The day came and I did it. I cried the whole time. My boyfriend was with me throughout the whole thing. He saw it all. He held my hand and talked to me. When it was over I was in a daze for about a week. I just wished I could yell really loud, scream and cry. I hated everyone.

It's been a year now. I'm still with the same boyfriend. When I see him with his child from his old girlfriend it makes me sick to my stomach. I can't stand it. Why is he an awesome father to that baby but he didn't let me have mine? It wasn't the baby's fault the pill didn't work. It wasn't the baby's fault we were not financially stable. We basically took the easy way out. $350 solved the problem. I regret it every day that goes by. But I have accepted what I did, and I'm trying to move on. But this is something that will remain in my head, in my thoughts, and in my heart forever.

-- Somara

I was only 14 and my boyfriend was 17 at the time when I got pregnant. I was scared and thought that my world was going to end. My boyfriend and I discussed what to do, and I told him I only wanted to have an abortion if he wanted me to. My aunt had told my mother for me because I couldn't see how hurt she would be.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was March 1, 2003. That day I was so scared. I wanted to turn back, but at the same time I didn't want to. I had my boyfriend and my aunt with me the whole way. I had to fill out a lot of questions and read a lot of things. Then I was told that I was 3 months pregnant, and that just made matters worse. Finally my name was called to go into the room to kill my baby.

After that day my life would never be the same. I always think in my head that I killed my child. I swear if I could go back in time I would have changed everything. Please girls, when you read this make sure you make the right decision before you do it or else you will have that thought of regret in your life FOREVER!

-- Crystal

I had an abortion when I was 18. I was unmarried and very confused. My boyfriend wanted to abort the baby. Well, I had a rather strict Baptist upbringing. My dad had died two years earlier, and I was at odds with my mother. I just couldn't tell her. I was so ashamed. I felt trapped. I was too immature and naïve to know what to do. Abortion seemed the only way out, and I didn't know at the time that it was a real baby.

The counselor at the clinic didn't counsel me at all. The only thing she asked me was whether or not I was sure I wanted to do it. I told her I didn"t have any choice.

I had the abortion and I haven't been the same since. The guilt and agony of that nightmare goes on. There's not one day that goes by that something doesn't return to haunt me.

I finally got the courage to tell my mother a few months after the abortion. It was very difficult. I was afraid she'd say, "I told you so." She didn't though. She was very understanding.

I realize now the mistake I made.

-- Tany

My name is Cami, and I'm taking a stand for life. Yes, I have a testimony, and one day hopefully it will help somebody through an unplanned pregnancy or crisis situation. A message of hope ' there's always hope - no matter what the challenge may be.

Abortion is not the answer. You can never undo what has been done, but you can always move forward. I chose to abort - twice. I was told I was too young at 17, had no family net, and a boyfriend who wanted nothing to do with becoming a parent. I take responsibility for my actions.

At 24 I failed to stay on birth control. It was a new relationship; and when I told the father of my second pregnancy, he wanted nothing to do with me or his child. I was alone and scared. I panicked. It was a nightmare. After the second abortion I suffered PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and finally got some help.

I found my healing through a Christian-based counseling group called "Forgiven and Set Free." I found my healing and can move on now. But that wasn't easy. It was a painful and emotional journey to get to where I'm at today. Post traumatic stress disorder is serious. Losing a child is serious. There are two victims in this tragic experience. We are left here on earth to deal with the suffering - mentally, emotionally, and psychological effects of choosing to abort. Please rethink your decision for everyone involved.

-- Cami

When I was 13 I got pregnant from my boyfriend who was 17. When he drove me to the clinic and I found out I was pregnant, I broke down crying. He was supportive of me the whole time. I decided three days later to have the abortion. During the abortion I felt dumb. I was in denial the whole time.

It finally hit me a couple of weeks later what I had done. I felt depressed, and sleeping became harder and harder. My appetite was nearly gone and I would cry uncontrollably for hours. Even now I have to take sleeping pills to even get a little shut eye. I haven't had the heart to tell anyone except my current boyfriend who is 14.

I will always regret having the abortion. The thing that bothers me most is seeing other girls pregnant or with babies. It makes me think about what my child would have been like. If any of you are thinking about getting pregnant, consider the long term results and make sure you know all of your options before aborting the baby. Had I known there were a lot of other choices, I would not have had an abortion.

-- Tina

Physical and emotional complications result from a decision that was often made out of fear and desperation. In this vulnerable state of mind, they are taken advantage of by a billion-dollar-a-year industry that offers what seems at the time to be the only "convenient" solution to an "inconvenient" problem. What these women don't know is that this decision is often full of lifelong consequences far worse than the immediate crisis of the pregnancy.

How can she be a victim? She made "the choice." Any girl or woman who considers abortion and goes through the moral anguish of "Should I or Shouldn't I?" "Is it right or is it wrong?" knows that in the deepest recesses of her heart and soul it is not right. Yet she is encouraged by her boyfriend or husband, her family and friends, the secular media, feminists, Planned Parenthood, and sometimes even her pastor that it is the best thing for her. And most significantly by her physician, who is telling her with his or her authority and all the respect granted the medical community that they can take care of her "problem." That they can take care of this "invading tissue" that is not really yet human and for a fee - for her money - they can perform a "procedure" to kill her baby and then she can go on with life as "normal." This billion dollar a year industry and doctors who do abortions have a very powerful vested interest in selling her the lie that it is all perfectly safe, healthy, normal, and routine.

It's at that point that she becomes a victim--a victim of lies and false information. In all fairness, sometimes the husband or boyfriend and parents will encourage the woman to give birth, but then usually--not always, but usually--you don't have a victim of abortion, you have a mother who gives birth to her child.

While the majority of aborting women disapproved of abortion, they resorted to abortion because they felt forced by their parents, boyfriends or husbands. Sometimes circumstances were such that there just did not seem to be a better alternative. David Reardon states that 83% of the women he surveyed who had had abortions said that they definitely would not have chosen abortion if they had been encouraged differently by the people who played a role in the abortion decision. David Reardon founded Women Exploited by Abortion in 1982 to minister to the needs of aborted women and to help them heal their pain. The survey was taken from WEBA chapters in 42 states to 252 previously aborted women and was the first to represent the national demographic characteristics of the "typical" aborting women. It was a fair, though not perfect, representation of aborting women in general, (p. 4, 7).

This is why it is not a "woman's issue." This information is equally important for the guys. It is a matter of life and death for a separate human being--not another part of a woman's body. Men experience stress and trauma long after the abortion also.

Since 1973 when abortion was legalized, we have been promised by the pro-abortion forces that there would be no more maimed women at the hands of "back alley abortionists." Since then, we have discovered that complications and deaths continue to occur, but little or nothing is being done to warn women. In Reardon's book, over 90% of women surveyed felt they did not have enough information to make an "informed choice," (p.16).

Part One

I shall never know in this life whether my child was a boy or a girl. My former girlfriend, the mother of my child, the woman I loved and still love, only told me a number of weeks later that she had been pregnant and that she had had an abortion.

She told me as we left a bar. I was on a busy street but I put my head up against a building and began to cry, the first time I had cried in public since I was twelve years old.

What happened next I find almost impossible to account for or explain. We got in my car and looking at her I experienced the most profound sense of tenderness, protectiveness and love that I have ever felt toward her or toward anyone, ever. It was if my mind had two enormous facts to deal with and could only take them one at a time. The first was that this woman whom I loved was pregnant with our child. Despite our unmarried status, I was pleased and happy, and hung there for an instant over the abyss feeling the elation a normal married man must feel at such awesome news.

Then I looked down. The child was there and then he was not, was created and killed in the same breath, as was my sense of elation. I don't know if this occurred to me then or later, a line from Scripture, "The Lord kills with the breath of his mouth." And God breathed life into Adam.

I was very much in love with this woman as was she with me. She knew I was unalterably opposed to abortion and that I would have vigorously pursued marriage if she had presented me with the fact of pregnancy. There would have been enough money but we both would have had to contend with disgrace in the eyes of our families and friends. Her career, in her eyes, would have been demolished.

I know I am not innocent of the thoughtless and criminally careless conception of this child. That will always haunt me, as will the profound sense of being powerless to protect it. For several months after I found out, I had the strong sense that my child existed, was somewhere "out there" and that there was no way to exercise a newly-formed paternal concern. Thoughts came unbidden, like "Is he cold?" The reaction -- nauseating feelings of helplessness and dereliction of duty. Meanwhile, the newspapers and television seemed full to bursting with pictures and stories of babies.

Coincident with this was a sense of not having protected my girlfriend. I have read enough on the subject to know that it is a violent procedure. That this woman I loved so much should undergo such a cold, soulless and brutal experience, and then have to hide it from those who love her, sickens and saddens me. And yet a strange, disquieting dichotomy not unlike that which prevailed at the time of my discovery, exists here as well. How could I comfort her when she herself made the decision, without my concurrence or even foreknowledge, to subject her body to one of those hideous machines? Had she been struck by a car or fallen down stairs I would have been the first to help console and heal her. As it was, I did what I could, but not without a sense of being divided. I knew she felt this too and that only made me pity her the more, and further the sense of division.

Why, if this is not in some way felt as a wrongful death, are we so reluctant to let others know of it? I desperately needed others for the first several months, yet I could not seek them out because of the disgrace and shame to myself and the mother. The one individual I confided in immediately, a clergyman, advised that I should speak of it to no one. I respected his advice then and still agree it was correct. My girlfriend lived alone with it for several weeks until she broke down and told me. She, too, tells no one.

In old Western movies, a man whose child was murdered might give up everything and undergo years of search and hardship to wreak revenge. What do you do when there are two responsible parties, and one is the mother? She I have forgiven, still love although we are apart, and hope for. Myself I know I will always bear an extra burden of sorrow, which is to a degree deserved insofar as I was careless with the power of life. But I never asked for the name of the obstetrician, because I was afraid of what I might do. At the very least, I would confront him on his way out of the office and say, "You don't know me but you killed my child." And just look at him.

Part Two

Following the abortion and her telling me, she left town for about six months to take a job in a distant city. Then she returned and I left town, mostly for career reasons, but I don't think either one of us could stand to live in the same city -- she for her reasons, I for mine. I tried several times by letter to communicate to her the misery and sorrow I was feeling, but her responses were mostly uncaring and exculpatory. She even wrote at one point that she felt "stronger, more confident" for having had the abortion. I suppose Hitler felt that way after conquering Poland, but does that make it right?

In her one or two responses, the most obnoxious part was that the rhetoric she used was dismal, heartless Cosmo girl propaganda. And I thought her an intelligent woman. I think now she used such language to distance herself from the reality. These were lies she was telling me, but they were also lies she was telling herself. After several attempts I realized we were completely at odds over the issue and would be for some time. She is living with a man in a distant city now and we no longer communicate, but I cling to the hope that someday, somehow we will be reconciled.

For myself, not a day goes by that I don't think about it. I have told only four persons, two of whom live far away and the other two can be relied upon to keep it secret. one of the latter, a close friend, suspected that something serious was wrong and pried the truth from me by degrees. The first big clue was when I went with her to a hospital maternity ward to visit her sister and new niece. When a nurse held the infant up in the nursery, I turned sheet- white.

I can view the situation with more equanimity, but I still have violent emotional reactions. For instance, a television news program recently showed a woman strapped to an operating table awaiting her "procedure." Some ghastly older woman came in and smiled at her a phony "everything will be just fine soon, Deary" smile… as the witch must have smiled at Hansel and Gretel. In the few seconds it took me to leap out of the chair and turn off the TV I thought, "I'd' like to wipe that smile off her face with a baseball bat." One can smile, and smile, and be a villain.

Meanwhile, I contribute to the pro life cause. I wonder whether I should join Operation Rescue but I am afraid I would lose my temper and discredit the movement.

Also, my trust in women and in people in general has been rocked. I have not been able to sustain any kind of relationship with a woman since and doubt that I shall ever be able to trust a woman enough to marry her. I doubt, too, whether my own reaction to marriage and children will be adequate. Don't I already have a first child?

There is so much more I could say, the strange reactions one gets to news of friends getting married and having children. The sensation of looking at an infant nephew and wondering, "Would my son have looked like this?" My girlfriend's abortion turned the world upside down and there has been no justice to turn it right side up.

Fr. Frank:

I tried to do a couple of things with this poem. I tried to show the complexity and confusion of the grief of a woman in this situation. She cannot honestly say, "Oh, if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't do it." That's not true. Part of what makes her feel this way now is that she did do it before. She can say, "I would not now be able to do that again," but prior to her abortion, she did not have the grief or regret that led her to this point. So augmenting the straightforward grief of a woman who has lost a child, is the bite: put back before the act, before she really knows what she has done, the woman-she-was might readily do it again. And that is hard to bear.

I wanted to show, also, that neither the grieving nor the ghost ever go away. A little what-if will be with you always. Not dominating your life, not every day in your thoughts, but not ever leaving, not ever gone. And I wanted to emphasize that it was a child that was lost, a baby, who would have been a person.

Our society does not offer much solace, or even recognition, for women feeling this. It's politically correct to have a choice, but not politically correct to admit having chosen this. I've never met any woman who stood up to state that she'd exercised her right to choose by choosing to abort, or even one that would say it very loud. The politics of the Right to Choose are loud and public, but the realities are painful and private. A woman who has laid a child into a grave is extended every sympathy and support. A woman who mourns an abortion is alone, with a uniquely mufti-faceted and complex grief. A woman contemplating abortion should be warned of this.